Being Kylian's Mummy
Motherhood has been the defining experience of my life. It is my greatest blessing, even when it is tough. Having the chance to witness, raise, love and support my two children is an honour. I have carried them in my womb, birthed them, and watched in awe as my babies have grown into two young toddlers full of life, personality, and joy. To see them bloom and flourish puts the heart in my chest on wings; the love I have for my children feels no different to flying.
This month’s blog post is all about my darling son, Kylian, who celebrated his 3rd birthday in March. My Kylian AKA Kylito, Killy, Baby Bear. He is my first boy, my last born, and the apple of my eye.There is so much I love about being Kylian’s mum. I feel so happy to see his smile, to witness the love he and his sister have for each other, and to know how much he adores me. It has been such a joy watching him develop into a human being with his own personality.
Kylian is great. At 3 years old he is so full of life; I love being able to watch him grow into himself every day. He is such a character; he can be a walking contradiction at times, but taking my time to understand him for all he is is an absolute pleasure. Kylian is lively yet peaceful. Sometimes he is giddy and eager to make noise, other times he is quite happy to sit on his iPad or watch his favourite shows in silence. At heart, Kylian is a shy boy who prefers his own space. Sometimes he just wants to be left alone, and that is okay. After all, don’t we all? Whilst he is incredibly communicative with his sister and myself, he can be timid when around other people. I think Kylian is still figuring out when to use his words, and who he chooses to speak to. Even when talking with me, he still struggles to articulate what he wants to say (after all, he is 3), but he is committed to repeating what he’s saying until I can understand him. He is so sweet, and clearly wants to be understood.
Don’t mistake Kylian being shy for him being introverted - my son is such an adventurous child. Recently he’s developed an interest in exploring both indoors and outdoors and has gotten very comfortable asking me, “Mummy can we go park?” Kylian is so full of life and loves playtime. He is so energised when we are at the park and I am realising he might be a nature lover. I’ve been making more of an active effort to get us outside as a family, because I know how much he adores the outdoors. Whenever we are getting ready to leave the house, Killy is eager to show me every time he puts his shoes, coat or headscarf on by himself. He’ll call my name, find his way to me, wearing his pride across his face at his accomplishment. It is so sweet to see him proud of himself.
Kylian might be his happiest during his showers or bath times. It’s obvious he loves the water by the way he pretends he’s swimming. He loves the water, he loves the park… Kylian is definitely trying to be at one with nature. I love that for him.
One thing I have really enjoyed about raising my children is watching their identities form around their personal interests. There is so much Kylian enjoys. As I said, Kylian loves the time he can spend sitting watching his favourite shows. He is a big fan of Paw Patrol, Spider Man, Frozen, Encanto & Red Panda. In fact, Kylian can sing every word of each Encanto song - in both English and Spanish. Well, his own version of it at least. Kylian sings his little heart out to any song he’s heard a few times. He even sings and jumps whenever I pick him up from the nursery. Sometimes when he sings, Kya will join in too, and I’ll listen with a quiet smile on my face as my children harmonise with each other. We have a few toddler-sized musical instruments around the flat; I think I have two budding musicians on my hands.
It sounds like stating the obvious to say Kylian has grown a lot over the last year, but he really has. It will never stop surprising me to see how much my children develop over a relatively short span of time. When Kylian was younger, I thought he would never free himself of the bondage he was in with his dummy. At times I’d try to encourage him to go without it, and he’d cry and cry and cry until I gave it back. I am so happy to say that he’s hit 1 year of being dummy-free and I absolutely love it for him. I was unsure how long it would take for him to let go of it, but as my Killy Bear grows into himself, he hasn’t relied on his dummy so much anymore. Growth.
I worried a lot when Kylian was younger, that he’d struggle to carve out his own identity; he’s only 11 months younger than Kya after all, and it would be easy for him to follow in the footsteps of his big sister. Yet Kylian is developing into his own unique person. Yes, sometimes he follows along with his sister’s ideas, but he knows who he is and recently has played a big role in instigating some of the mischief they get up to when they think I am not looking. It can be frustrating trying to settle them when they’re intent on misbehaving, but I won’t pretend I’m not a little bit proud to see glimpses of Kylian taking agency over his own life (within reason). Although Kylian is fascinated by his sister, I’ve been witnessing Kylian get a stronger idea of who he is, what he likes, and what he doesn’t. It is so sweet to see. I think his growth has been spurred on by him having 3 baby cousins over the last year. Now that Kylian isn’t the youngest, he recognises that he isn’t the baby of the family. It looks like he enjoys being able to play the role of the ‘big cousin’. When his baby cousins are upset, he’ll rub their back and say, “It’s okay, baby.” It makes me so happy to see him developing into a caring young boy.
What does Kylian know about himself so far? Well, he loves his fruits - especially strawberries and grapes. Knowing this encourages me to buy fruits as part of our weekly grocery shop, and makes it a lot easier to make sure he’s getting his 5 a Day. He is not a fan of sauces or dips, and does not like his food to touch. Whilst this is a bit picky, and can make mealtimes difficult, knowing what Kylian likes and dislikes helps me plan our family meals based on what is good for my children’s health and what they enjoy.
Between the two of my children, Kylian definitely is more attached to me than Kya. Kylian wants me to join in with everything he does, wants to show me everything, and likes to help me tidy up. Even when we have movie nights, he’s happiest sitting on my lap or resting up against me. Eventually he will grow out of this so, for the time being, I savour these precious moments I get to have with him. Even when it means I am sitting through Encanto again.
I have tried to encourage Kylian to sleep in his own bed for most of the night but, often, he’ll crawl his way into my bed anyway. Kylian is much unlike Kya in this way. When it is bedtime, Kya is more than happy to skip along to their bedroom and sleep peacefully in her own bed. Kylian likes to have my attention. He doesn’t like it when I’m on the phone, and he likes to hold my hand wherever we go. If I am on the phone for too long, he can get a bit frustrated, or will start acting up until I have no choice but to give my full attention to him. He is only 3, so it is okay.
Dropping my children off at nursery is something I have got more comfortable with over time, but it can still be difficult when I notice how sad Kylian can be to be separated from me. At times, Kylian is still reluctant to go to nursery and will say, “I go home with mummy.” I know being at nursery is good for him, and that he enjoys his time there, so all I can do when he gets like this is promise I’ll be there to pick him up and send him on his way. Whenever I come to pick him up, he dances, jumps, and screams because he’s so excited to see me. It is such a warm feeling. I know he can seem a bit ‘clingy’, but recently he’s been gaining more and more confidence to be himself. I know, in time, he won’t need me to be in sight to feel confident. Kylian is very sweet: he talks to me softly, he feels safe, knows he is loved, and is a happy child. I even love that he is comfortable enough in himself to tell me ‘no.’ My children love me, but they love themselves enough - and are stubborn enough - to disagree vocally with me when they want to. When I am telling them to eat their food, or tidy their toys, or get ready for bed and they say ‘No’, I promise you it does not feel great. But, the point is, I know my children are able to think for themselves, and that’s never a bad thing.
Kylian and Kya’s relationship with each other is so sweet. I am one of four siblings, but the bond my children have with each other is unlike anything I experienced in my own childhood. When Kylian wakes up, the first thing he’ll say to me is, “Mummy, where’s Kya?” Unless, of course, Kya is already awake. If my daughter is reading, Kylian will sit and listen to her version of the story - he is always intrigued by what she has to say. If Kya has been put on a time out for being naughty, Kylian will sit with her until the time is up. If Kya is crying, he is always the first to say, “Don’t cry, Kya” or “It OK Kya.” He is so sweet. Wherever Kylian is - nursery, Sunday school, visiting family, or with the babysitter - he feels safe knowing that Kya is there. It is so clear that Kylian loves his family.
Even though he doesn’t see his dad everyday, the love he has for daddy is real. Kylian looks up to his dad so much; he wants his hair to be just like his dad’s and loves when they go for haircuts together. When Kylian’s dad comes to visit, Kylian always wants to share his bed with him. When we go to the park, Kylian will ask me to call his dad. Somehow, Kylian is aware that his dad has much more energy than I do. He always wants his dad to join in on the fun stuff.
I have loved witnessing Kylian develop more and more into himself, and I can't wait to see how much more he’ll grow over the next chapter of his life. This time next year, I can’t wait to be sharing another blog post about all the ways he has continued to develop, and any new revelations he makes about who he is and how he wants to exist within the world.
